Reading

I read and I read and I read,

I think and I think and I think,

I brainstorm and I plan;

Maybe, just maybe,

I need to get up and do something about it.

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I feel so useless. I am being no where near productive enough, nor am I meeting ANY of my goals. le sigh.

Sucess?

gosh the haze is terrible. (my own picture!)

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"You're very successful now huh?" really?

Work's been busy and stressful. I'm sick too, (a light fever, migraine and flu that never goes away), so I've been grabbing sleep whenever I can but it's just been a constant roller coaster ride of "I'm doing quite good" and "Kill me now this sucks!". But a thing's been bugging me more than anything else. The issue of success.

What is success?

Owning a couple awesome cars? Having a nice condo(s)? Having a million bucks in the bank? Having an awesome family? All of the above? Happiness?

That's kinda arbitrary, isn't it?

Woo hoo? (image from bang2write.com)

What's success to me?

Other than the occasional daydream of 'what if' fantasies of living live in the fast lane, owning all the 'generic' forms of success (cash, card, club, etc... you get the drift), I sorta realize, that's not really my kind of lifestyle. I'm more easy going than that. But herein lies a second problem.

...

I don't have a concept of what I can consider success.

"No Sarah, it's not found with a Google search!" (image from bluemagnetinteractive.com)

...



So let's go back to the beginning.

There are many facets in what can be considered success... Being rich, being famous, being the best in what you do, leaving behind something that you'll remember. Being accepted in your community, Achieving... something. It's convoluted, and there are just no friggin' rules.

asdfghjkl:! (from www.arghhh.se)

But the key is simple - success in what matters to you. One's concept of success is what makes one's DRIVE. The motivation is also what makes your goal of success reachable, or not.

I am able to do a lot of things. I want to excel in many things. But I haven't found anything that I have an extreme DRIVE for. I want to try everything, but I don't have the time, resources or commitment to. My ultimate is not there. At least, no longer.

I used to measure my success by making people happy. But humans are the darnedest thing ever. We suck. We abuse each other. We take advantage. We kill. Then, there are things I'm good at. But it is now also mundane and boring. The stuff I push for excellence for the so-called success has been somewhat achieved, and come out wanting. So there's that too.

(from hellcat.org)

There are also the public perception of what people consider success. On that matter? You'll never satisfy them, and they don't live your life, so what's the point? Besides, people notwithstanding, life has just waaayyy too much drama for my tastes.

...

So is it fair that for me, success now is being able to make a day to day without any drama, for now? Cause I really don't know what I'm doing. And honestly, the adventure of day to day is awesome. I'm happy. I'm successful. And I mean it.

And yes, I have regrets, I have things I would have, could have, can currently do better. But I'm just gonna take things in stride. No apologies. I try, I really try and I do it like I have nothing to lose. It's just better. At least for now.

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So... What's success to you?

I feel like writing....

something. So there you have it. Goodbye.







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Just kidding. I have writer's block. Trying to get my creative juices flowing from not writing properly in so long. I'm also trying for this blog to not look or sound so depressing. I might live a relatively over dramatically depressing life; but hey, not everything in my life sucks. Thinking about it, I have a lot of things I can be thankful for. I guess I'll have a series on that soon.

NO! (sourced from www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk)

When I decided (and promptly forgot to follow through my decision) to revive writing and blogging in general, many of the people I know as pretty much mentioned that I should abandon blogger or blogging in general as it's a relic of yesteryear. So much for encouragement... =/

Truth is, I agree. Blogger seems to be an almost completely dead platform. I have considered heading over to Tumblr at one point, or use Wordpress (which has a small but steady following and never was a very lively platform from the get go anyway), but both require new accounts (whaaattttt) and one involves waaaayyyy too much fandom and asdfghjkl "slang"... AND the occasional "porn" blog. So... nope. I like how blogger works, they've been ever reliable, there is still sorta an audience (not that I care too much, I'm just here to vent) and I'm also too plain lazy to migrate my best blog posts (not that they were anything fantastic) to a new location, as I did when I moved from Windows Live Spaces over here.

I also hope that my posts will reflect my age at long last. Shorter posts in general, but better written; less rants, but more reflection. And platform really, really doesn't matter... I guess.

I guess there's that too. (source: www.graphics99.com)

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Gosh, I really am struggling to write.

In case you're wondering, I'm just improvising on the fly. This post has no particular direction. I guess imma end it here. Hope I can keep up with this blasted schedule.

Well, there is that new job I have. Sorta. And hey, done with college. Yay.

should really get to paying off those college fees.

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