Nightmares

Had a terrible nightmare last night. Two. One symbolic, one is one that i've gone tru.

Woke up with dried tears and my whole self disorientated. Lucky i ain't got much work today (the reason why i'm blogging at this time of the day, or even blogging for that matter.)

Anyways.

Things have been good on my side so far, with business and busyness rolling in like a hurricane. It's a good thing, because that meant i won't need to worry so much on the financial side of the business that much and worry more on producing better quality work, logistics for the ever-stressful and unpredictable events and erm, future plans for me and the company (like new gear - my favourite... :-p). Only big struggle is to make sure all this don't sweep my focus off from the most important thing in my life.

However, as always, there's a damper in the jovial proceedings - hauntings. I now get frequently haunted by my past in the forms of pre-sleep nightmares and during sleep nightmares. It spoils the mood, and kind of frightens me, as it's a repeat of the trauma and i... loathe it. It feels as if a monster breathing down my neck and choking me. I absolutely feel trapped whenever those nightmares happen. Luckily it has not destroyed my physical rhythm, other than the fact that my whole body aches for no bloody reason. Mentally it's the same old roller coaster ride thanks to this. This is effecting my other big problem - my relationship with D. I have several stuffs i wish i can get over with him but it seems more and more likely it won't be till his death. Haiz.

Also, being 18 starts to make you feel desperate for a relationship. But on that matter, there many, many other things making me feel... confused and stuck. Still.

"Could be worse."