Passion ~ part 2

so i found this (http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150099863798313&comments&ref=mf) video about some youths preaching video in between my exams. got my attention, but inspired me to rant a lil. Thou art warned.

anyways, back to what i wanted to talk about in my multipart post.

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When i got the order to volunteerily give up my power positions in church and leave the community for the time being. It was unfair, but i got extra time to discover my own.

I've been having nightmares, lonely nights, mad, depressing moments. I refused help, cause i knew something was there for me to discover myself. I got through the pain. And it still hurts, and it still grinds inside, killing me slowly. But i found something. Something all should have discovered a long time ago.

I found a lot of people to be fake. Masks, hypocritical. I found them to surround me in such a way i staggers me. When i neeeded realism, and help. I found many wannabe fake preachers of the Word. I found only condemnation to hide guilt and persecution and red tape to prevent grace they did not find, forgetting all it needs is a couple united people to start a genuine revival. And leaders fuel the damage.

I am dissapointed. Hurt. And angered. Cause all this while i was a victim, a slave to the fancies of people. I found realism more among non-believers than anything. I lost touch on why a church exists. Cause as far as i am concerned, i know not of any true church that exists at the moment.

And all that after slaving for nothing, no one. When you tell the truth, people shut down and shut you out. Cause all are content to stay in a quiet, self righteous world.

So much so i decided to leave church till i find a good reason to rejoin one. I will not serve till i find a good reason to serve, too.

The more i read the Bible, the more i am angered when i see an example of a true Christmunity. I do not see of any around. And there's only so much i can do. I tried to move strings to pull out the existance of such a place. I only got scars. I got kicked out of the common and the sense.

The more i see all that happens, the more i am convinced that as much as my Almighty is real, the more our people do not allow Him to work in our current world.

It's a disillusional thing. Like that video. It's there, only to annoy people and provoke guilty emotions. We have became physcological experts. Spiritual shamans. And Christ is no part of the picture. We do not reflect Christ one single bit.

And i'm talking with me in person included. And that, is a worrying prospect.

Perhaps it is time we stop pointing fingers at people and look at the four that's still pointed at ourselves, and get on our knees to save ourselves, to be real. A passion and givest it's birth. Consumes. That is my change.

-end of part two-

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I did not mean to attack any believers or non-believers. It's a call to do a self examination among all. Cause i definitely need one and am doing that. People though, never understand and just like to be...

Which is why i write my crappy, emo poems. They all have a message.