Friday, 12 November 2010

Perhaps? part one

This post will be out of the ordinary.

Of late, people has noticed I changed. Lacking outward zeal towards certain issues and terms once close to my heart. Doing things once thought impossible. Different in the way i carry myself. Having differing views and perhaps vocabulary.

After what I've gone through this year. I'm not surprised. This year so far (and we are nearing the end) has been like in last two years, a roller coaster ride. But even more so.

Sometimes it's tough to stay with a positive outlook to life. But i shall digress. It's how you treat it.

Sure, i've been sexually abused (what's the big deal with confessing that? I'm still normal, just hurt.) I've been betrayed by teachers, friends, pastors, mentors and elders. I've almost died a couple times even. With and without my own choice.

It's been stupid. And it's so easy to get bitter. But i shall not. What has happened, has happened. I have and shall cry, pick up the pieces, learn and move on. Lingering and sulking about that wont bring justice and it wont bring you a better day. That's for useless sissies to do. And some outwardly sissy guys are better off then any one of this macho suckers.

Oops I'm running out of context here. BACK.

Of all the things that have changed, i'm still more or less the same person everyone knew. I still like to help people out, I still find pain watching people suffer, I still find compassion in people who didn't get it so easy in life, in any way. I feel for them, if anything, the passion has grown stronger. I'm just not as outward or, perhaps, stupid.

BUT.

I've had time to reflect. I've paused, watched, deliberated, and listened. Even despite the craziness, i did that. And i had a conclusion to many things that started appearing with question marks over the year or two.

Unfortunately, it's with regret I say that these conclusions will disappoint many, and it's not gonna matter whether you disagree or not. It's not an opinion affected matter, it's a decision i have decided, and probably wont be turning back for at least sometime.

In short, welcome to the new Timothy Ignatius Lewis.

-end of part one-

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yes, this would be a multi-part post. i realize it's gonna take forever to do all, AND, i got a lot to say. Finals coming next week. Study first.

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