I'm stuck now... Not knowing which to choose. A crossroad of a decision which might potentially change my life, problem is, i need to decide by the time when i'm officially eighteen, in less than 3 and a half hours.
Why and what is that, you might be wondering. So let me bring you an exclusive, juicy view of myself.
At the age of 18, you're legally entitled to do many things you weren't allowed to, because you are no longer considered a minor. Although the protection of the juvenile court is withdrawn, according to Malaysian law, you are now, technically, much more free to things and be self-responsible.
So, at 18, i can now choose my own religion (and convert without parent's consent), get married (don't make me feel desperate plz... :-p), have sex, go into some previously unallowed stores (like most cybercafes, legally, or clubs - tho some of them restrict access to above 21s only), or to... drink booze.
Sure, i'll abstain from any sexual relationship till marrige (seriously), i'll not go clubbing in my entire life (unless i enter it to work, but not to enjoy, which i have already been doing), i'll most probably not go into sex stores (unless for my wife... :-p) but i have no idea on alcohol. At all.
Why or why not? Let me see...
Taking, hmm... Firstly, what's wrong with that? I know some would say Methodist doctrine lar, dedication lar, yaada yaada yaada. Sure, i know about that. Keeping yourself pure, not falling captive to a 'tree', and the rheotic goes on and on. But i didn't say i wanna take it like a drug, i didn't say i wanna go casual drinking all over the place at every chance i got. It's just that whether i allow myself to take it or abstain from it when situations rise, say, family celebrations (half of my family's non-christian, while d other half is 'alcohol is fine' roman catholics). You'll appreciate if you can 'blend in' and not face the 'interrogation' of not joining in since you're now a full-fledged adult. Plus, what if i go out with friends, particularly non-christian friends? I'm still susceptible to peer-pressure, you know. In short, making a stand can be quite tough, and concious-wrecking.
Not taking? I have many reasons for doing so also. Firstly, it's a sign of dedication and purity. I can ensure that i have a guranteed clear mind and conciousness. I will also make a strong statement to my friends, that you can play hard and enjoy life, but still not 'get down and dirty'. In short, it is a good testimony, both to myself and to the people around me. In fact, i feel greatly inclined to make this decision.
However, i need to make some things straight first before i choose to abstain.
Making myself starkly different can throw people off, especially my family. If you seem so 'holy-moly' to them, they'll just react that you're just show-offs and not serious about your faith. It'll seem that you're so 'religious', and that isn't exactly good witness either, especially to my family. And i'm extremely concerned about them. I love my extended family and i want to make sure i have the maximum chance of exposing them to the truth. As it is my family are treated as outcasts as we are protestants. So one more thing to repel us isn't gonna help.
Also, i do not want my desicion to be influenced by people and emotions, especially. Abstaining from alcohol can be just a emotionally bitter reaction to what alcohol has done to my family. Broken marriges, broken homes, broken hearts (including mine) is what i have the problem with. I must make sure i make a vow based on me and God, but not me and people. That much i am certain.
I need time to pray about this. Advice are warmly welcome. As it is, i've got an extension because i need to work non-stop till monday, despite it being a big b'day. I never wanted this one to be a big one in terms of celebration. I wanted this to be a solemnly big one as i make important decisions like this - like go to church and pray real hard and dedicate myself to God. But as it is, i can't do just that. Bummer.
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