OK, i'm emo, in a very bad mood, and generally fell left out. Stress and emo-ness. That's me.
Let me explain.
I see people going on for studies. Coming to KL (the only thing that cheers me up), going to Singapore, going to HK even. Scored alot for SPM, so they're going for the maximum they can reach to, limited by results, time, money and the home-sickness. People having tons of free time. Having a purpose of life. Knowing about their future. Choosing their own path to take. Grounded. Getting distant in relationship. With me at least.
Me? Haiz.
I dunno what on earth am i doing. My finances are uncertain (tho miraculously provided by divine methods). I'm just stuck doing my job day-in, day-out. I'm so busy i don't have time to think much or do what i intended to do (PDP, practice, research on future studies, go visiting, etc... even morning devotion). It's not that i don't like this job or it's too unhappening for me. Don't get me wrong. It's happening alright, but not the way i wanted it to be.
Even worse, i don't feel like i belong. The things i'm used to just seem not right. I just feel that my home is not my home any longer. Yet i can't escape, i can't move on to things. I feel trapped in somewhere i don't wanna be at.
I'm lost. And lonely.
I hate being the pathethic person who would make a drama out of everything that appears to me. About getting attention over anything that happens. About drawing attention to myself. No, i detest it. It's just that everything is going rollercoster here. Even my emotions.
Everything seems dull now. It just seem too happening but yet unhappening. I'm disconnected. I don't even feel joined in my youth or with my youth mentor. I'm so self-concious whenever i'm in youth. I feel fake.
HELP.
Austin?
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